Happy Birthday, Braden!! What's the party like in heaven?

Today is Brady's birthday! He would be 6-years-old today. I am sitting her wondering how to process this event. So, lets say, there isn't just one way to feel. I have been fluctuating between all of them.

crap....gotta tend to kids....will finish this post later.

I have this argument with myself. I say, celebrate him. Remember how fun he was and how much Sawyer loved him. Remember how much he loved to dance to the Wiggles but how he didn't move during the entire live concert. Remember how funny it was that he never wanted to take his shoes off at my house. :) I want to be happy for him, for the gifts he gave us and for the opportunity to have known him, even if it was only for 3 yrs. I say, "Live for him. Don't forget him but don't stop living in that happiness he brought instead of constantly getting sad when I think of him."

Still, there is such a huge part of me that just wants to be sad for him. I can't imagine how it must be for his parents. I can't imagine how hard it is to have lost a part of themselves like that. What are they doing today? I am not sure how they do it or what they do but, I do hope that soemday, his birthday present to them will be that they are able to live with the light that he gave them, rather than dwelling in the darkness he left. I am sure it is an unrealistic expectation. I don't know (thank God) what that level of grief is like...and I hope I don't sound crass by saying it....but I do hope that they will find definitions for their lives other than the death of their son. They have a beautiful daughter now, did you know that? He name is Hope. Isn't that perfect??? 

So, today, I looked up photos from his last birthday parties. He had two when he turned three. One was with his preschool crew where everyone dressed up and then he had another smaller one with just a few family and friends. He was sooooo cute! Here's a slideshow of those photos.

Brady. I love you. We love you. I see you pictures in my hallway and see Boy Doggie on Sawyer's bed every night. While our lives are continuing, you are very much a part of our stories and have helped to shape us into the people we are. You were a blessing, still are. I hope you are having an amazing birthday today and that you heard the Happy Birthday Song coming from our house. Give your family a boost today.