I can't believe that you have already been growing in my tummy for 27 weeks. After saying that though...I feel like I have been pregnant forever. :) It's funny how pregnancy works that way.
So, how are you? I am trying to make a comfy home for you in there...although I do indulge in the occasional caffinated beverage and too many salty snacks. I have been taking my vitamins and trying to muscle veggies past my aversion. I know I haven't been sleeping as much as I should but, you have two brothers and night time is "my time". It is hard to give that up despite your father's urgings for me to rest. I have also been trying to drink a lot of water (although I have to mix a little Crystal Light in or I get sick) so you have plenty of room to float around in there. I do have to apologize for the occasional jolt you get when one of your brothers unexpectedly pounces on my tummy. I do put the warnings out there that they have to be careful but...when you are 22 months or almost 4 1/2 you will understand how quickly you forget things like that.
I have to say that this pregnancy hasn't been the easiest. That being said, I know that compared to many, this is a dream pregnancy and I shouldn't complain. Still, I have a right to gripe a little here and there. :) You have made TUMS one of my greatest evening companions. You make me feel hungry, thirsty, and ridiculously full all at the same time. There is other stuff that is going on but, you don't need to know all the gory details. Still, no matter what...if you are healthy and happy...I would go through all of this ten-fold with nothing but gratitude.
So, you know (because we call you 'it') that we have no idea if you are a boy or girl. Sawyer is convinced you are a girl and will not entertain any other option. He says your name is Sema. I am not sure if that name will stick around after birth but it sure is cute that he calls you that now. Seriously, be glad you aren't thought a boy right now or you would be called Melon. Now, most people who know me know that I am itching to have a girl in my life. it is hard to openly admit that. I feel ungrateful for making such a wish. I want you to know, in the deepest part of your soul, that I want YOU. Boy or girl...I want you. I know that when I meet you, if you are a boy, I will be so thrilled to have the most beautiful and loved baby boy in my arms. There will not be one second when I wish you were a girl. Now, I can't promise that I won't be looking at your father saying, "How do four kids sound to you?"
I think that because I spend so much of my day in the craziness of life with young children, I don't get to notice you as much. Maybe this is the curse of guilt any mother with more than one child feels. I feel like I go for hours without noticing your movements. These times are followed up though by this shot of anxiety over your welfare. I sit in self-induced quiet and wait for your kicks. I count them. I time them. I attempt to convince myself that you are fine. You indulge me. Thank you. I think pregnancy is such a strange state. You are so easy to take care of in there (compared to your brothers) but I know nothing about you and your health. It is so scary. I try not to let the things I know dampen my excitement. I try not to let fear become a predominant emotion. I am not an innately negative person so scary thoughts make me even more uncomfortable.
I think that the fears I have are more prominent this pregnancy because, somewhere deep down inside, I feel like I have been so blessed in this life that maybe my good fortune is going to run out. I have to remember you are good fortune no matter what. You are a blessing no matter what. You were created out of love, to join our loving family and to join my beliefs and hopes for this world.
So, my sweet little bump, I send you all my love. I am so excited to meet you and to see what our future will bring. I love, love, love you.
